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Archive for August, 2009

Dare I say -” I’m Back”

Well here I am, 7 months down the line, on my 5th week off work for severe depression- brought on by “WORK”. They have actually been very good about it- but is it because they have realised their shameless abuse of key members of staff. I would like to think “NO” that I am not just an anonymous number- but a vital cog in the wheel of work- that has lost a few teeth and gone to be mended.

My Doctor- advised go home do nothing unless you want to- if it causes any stress- stop it at once. Well that has been so much more difficult than you think.

 Don’t take calls from work! Not easy when you are the only one in the house and they keep leaving messages- but I managed to only call or answer twice- in 4 weeks.

Don’t let other family members stress you out! My partner has been so very supportive- but he does obviously have his own problems and who else does he turn to. He has developed a rather dense cataract in his left eye- easily treatable nowadays- but no he has uveitis- and they will not operate until this has cleared up. So he struggles with the fiddly bits for his fishing- which he then shouts at me for – because I’m not doing it right! I know- its just his frustration with himself.

My daughter has had her leaving cert exams and we have been worrying about the results- ( Or should I say I have) I just can’t switch off! not worry- not stress- typical Virgo!  Actually results are back and she has done exceptionally well. So now I’m angry at myself for wasting energy worrying in the first place.

So I have not been able to do much- my heart has not been in it- couldn’t even read a book- because I would get down half the page and have completely forgotten what I had just read. Meals have been very odd indeed- not only at some odd times as all I have been doing is sleeping-( nearly 15 hours in a day)- but if it all takes longer that half an hour- forget it- I’ve burnt stuff- forgotten stuff- missed out ingredients- put the wrong things in?

The Doctor prescribed pills of varying sorts- and only after 4 weeks- I finally found this awful feeling of impending dread & doom lifting somewhat.

So this is where I am now. Beginning to see the light- starting to interact calmly and slowly to the world around me- and really thinking – when an issue arises- is it my fault?- can I do anything about it? will this matter later/ tomorrow/ next week/ year?  No- it is not my fault and if I can’t do anything- Just say ” Hi and Bye”. Acknowledge- dismiss- forget- move on. Well at least that is my theory and bit by bit I am going to put it in to practise.

I have to make a change in my worklife- but the timing isn’t really right- but I am beginning to wake up and listen to my body- my intuition- my callings to the Goddess- the path is beginning to clear and will inevitably change direction.

Look to the future- but dont miss today-take it easy- enjoy the journey whereever the destination.

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